every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
