I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
