after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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