Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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