Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
