Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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