I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize