Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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