You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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