I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
