I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
