I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
