did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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