well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
