I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
