In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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