dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
