Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
