I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize