If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
