Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
