I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
