five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
