I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
