Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
