I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
