i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
