On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize