In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize