So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
