I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Its about making memories worth repressing
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize