Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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