friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize