I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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