Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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