i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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