he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize