I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
