think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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