apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
