Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
