As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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