I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you had me at cake vodka
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
