am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
