Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize