He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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