fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
