Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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