There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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