morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
