Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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