I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
