I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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