just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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