Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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