I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
