Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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