Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
