Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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