so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's official drugs can't kill me
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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