can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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