does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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