There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize