I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize