woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You can't just leave with hair like that
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
