There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
